i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
