It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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