You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
