i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
