i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
