That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
