We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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