am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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