i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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