In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
