i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
