Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
