There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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