I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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