what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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