no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I forget how to act sober
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
