i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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