Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
