ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
