Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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