the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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