I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
