I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
