well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and she was petting her beer can
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
