Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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