I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
