I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
