Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Houston, we have a blender
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize