ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
