I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
