When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
