I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
