you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
