haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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