Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
