So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
