Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm having to shit out rocks
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
