oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
