I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drake has all the answers
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize