Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
