everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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