This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
