i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
