you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
