It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
false alarm. still invincible.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
