If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
