You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize