No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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