when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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