The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
