she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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