Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
