i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think your dad took our porno
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
