I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
