she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
