I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
