i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
