WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
