so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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