Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
