Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
