The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
