I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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