if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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