no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
