Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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