I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
