Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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