I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
