I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
