I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
