I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
