I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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