NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
