I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
