Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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