CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
