Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize