we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize