Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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