i barfeds in our rink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
